Je ne regrette rien

Posted in Uncategorized by Amy on March 14, 2009

I have been putting off writing this post.

I am leaving New Orleans.

There. I said it outloud.

I could rant in this post how eff-ed up it is to live in a country where a court can tell a law abiding citizen where and where they cannot live, but I won’t. I could go on about how much of an emotional terrorist my ex-husband is, insuring that I have no peace, even 1,200 miles away from him, but that post would drain me too much emotionally and create a climate inside of myself full of negativity and hate. I should probably go on about how I am a thrity-three year old woman more than capable of making good decisions, especially when it comes to my child that I am with day in and day out – even homeschooling her when I found the schools to be a bad environment for her in the city, but it would do no good. Nothing that I could say right now would adequately describe the situation that I am in so instead of having my hands tied and a little girl left unprotected from a man that violated her in the worse way and my family continually sinking because of the unnecessary cost this is forcing upon us, I will simply say that I am leaving.

In trying to see the positives out of everything, I realize that this does mean many different things to my family. It means more financial freedom – owning a home – better schools – children that I trust my daughter to play with – more space – land – and in some ways, freedom from some of the things difficult to escape in NOLA.

As I write this, I look at the piles of things to do. My husband works every day for the next two weeks, so that task falls on my hands. My body is in a great deal of pain thanks to my fibromyalgia, but I don’t have the luxary of just slowing down – things need to get done and I need to be the person to do them.

I’m cranky.

I’m bitter.

I’m cautiously optimistic.

I’m not moving that far away from NOLA, but it’s NOLA, and there are so many things that I am truly going to miss – watching the streets from the street car, my visits with Miss Elizabeth at Blue Cypress Books, the zoo, the aquarium, City Park, and Miss Norma’s Sno-Balls. I am going to miss being able to count on seeing Miss Evie ride her bike around the neighborhood and listening to my neighbor play the french horn. I’m going to miss the banana trees in my yard, the Asian plums, and the feeling I get when I ride anywhere with my husband and look around.

I’m leaving NOLA, but so much of me will still be here.

3 Responses

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  1. pistolette said, on March 14, 2009 at 8:04 pm

    So sorry to hear it. I hope things work out for you.

  2. prissy said, on March 17, 2009 at 9:12 am

    computer just got fixed, catching up.. where are you moving?? ashy got married today..ilu

  3. Nola said, on April 8, 2009 at 1:23 am

    I just brought myself to read this. Like you not wanting to write it, I thought if I didn’t read it, it’d not happen.

    We are sorry to lose you, but things will work out and in the end you’ll find that peace.

    Hang in!

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