Je ne regrette rien

Finding My Own

Posted in Uncategorized by Amy on February 16, 2009

I’m 32. I think that 32 is such a weird age. You now find yourself surrounded by adulthood, but yet the free-wheeling and care-free days aren’t so far removed.

I am going through this weird thing where I am trying to find who I am, defining what I am about, and deciding what I want my life to be. I realize most people probably go through this at a much earlier age, or maybe we always go through this, but for me – well, I find myself highly involved in trying to figure this out.

I think that part of the problem is that I have been taking care of people for most of my life. My mom first got sick when I was thirteen, so I didn’t go through a lot of stages that most thirteen year old go through.  Or fourteen year olds. Or sixteen year olds. Or eighteen year olds. The day before I turned twenty, my son passed away and life was forever changed. I became apart of a club that no one ever wants to be apart of, a club you can’t really understand unless you are a member.  Then more babies came, more responsibilities, a few more tragedies, a lot more triumphs and then I blossomed into someoe who no longer would submit to the cruel words and intentions of a man I had no business marrying or having a life with. And then I left. I started over. And then I met my Papa Bear.

At any rate, I am in this weird finding my own stage. It is hard because I am a gray person, not black and white. I’m not on thing or another, I am kind of a combination of everything. It is confusing. It gives me a headache trying to figure it out. (And no, there are no voices in my head but my own thank you very much!)

One step, right? One step!

2 Responses

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  1. Nola said, on February 16, 2009 at 10:53 am

    And this is why I will cringe/cry/faint if Sun marries before 30. YOU GO, GIRL!!

    • Amy said, on February 16, 2009 at 11:03 am

      That is definitely going to be the one thing I absolutely instill in my girls…… go and chase the stars before you sit down to watch them!!!!!

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